I’m lying on my bed right now—thinking how miserable girlfriend I was—these past few weeks. I made wrong decisions. I followed other people’s opinion, I ignored his feelings and forced him to do things he doesn’t like. Those hurtful and offending words I said to his face were too much. I was completely lost with my anxiety and totally messed up.

I can’t make things up for him right now but I hope this blog would make him feel better.

*Lany song, ILYSB, plays*

It’s been a year that we are together. And I can still remember how I met an extraordinary guy like him.

It was hot and boring Saturday afternoon; I tried to use the famous dating app, Tinder. I wanted to meet someone who could bring back my genuine smile again, but, I didn’t expect to love someone I’ll meet online. Old school pa ako before besh. At first, I got irritated by not being matched up to someone. The feeling of waiting for hours to received messages from strangers annoyed me. Like besh, am I not that pretty na wala man lang may nag ma’match sakin?

A thought flashed in my head – dating apps are not working for me. I just wasted my time by swiping and waiting for someone to say hi.

But, before I threw my phone out of exasperation, I saw a picture of a man on my screen. He’s wearing black shirt and shades. I don’t know why, but I felt something strange by looking at his pictures. Anyway, I swiped right, and wow. We matched! And that’s how I met the guy who amazingly turned my world upside down.

Ganda ng ngiti mo dyan 😍

First months that we’ve been dating, I can say that God blessed us for giving us a lot of free time to know each other, to make memories together and to build a good foundation of trust in our relationship. Secrets were spilled, flaws were accepted. Late night talks, morning greetings. We were both happy. It’s like the stars are lining together for us. Everything back then was perfect. People who know me might say that after all the heartbreaks I’d been through; I finally got my prince and together we live happily ever after.

But we both know this is just the beginning.

The way he wipes my tears away and hugs me is so comforting. His soothing voice when he sings me my favourite Christmas song “Jingle Bells” never fails to cheer me up. He helps me in solving my problems. He gives me handwritten letters and makes surprises. Ang effort! He listens to my rants. He buys me a lot of food. Sobrang busog ako lagi pagkasama sya. And he always spends time with me. He’s always with me in good times and bad and it makes me feel like I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

Though, our relationship is not perfect. Just like other couples, we also experience problems. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko na syang blinock sa messenger! There was even a time when my jokes went above and beyond the limits. That’s when he was shouting at me, his finger was waving in my face and I can tell by his gestures that he wanted to smash something out of fury. Seeing him like that scared me a lot. The feeling was like a terror washed over me and immobilized my brain. All I did was finished my drink quietly, said sorry and cried. I had mascara-tears moment that time. Lol. I packed my things and tried to walk out in that room but he stopped me and hugged me. He apologized, did everything he could to make me feel happy again. And yet, it took me three days before I totally got over with it.

What I want to point out here is, no matter how many times we argue and fight, I will still choose to stay with him. Our relationship can be stressful and toxic but running away can’t solve any problem. When you truly love someone, you have to learn how to forgive and compromise and settle things together.

I feel guilty for giving him a hard time but I promise I’ll be better. I just want him to know that I appreciate all his efforts and I love him more than words can say. :))

I don’t know the best way to end this blog. I think a picture might do the job. Hahaha.

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